I. Introduction
A. The Human Element of the Church
B. Background
II. When Church Hurts
A. Three Quick Things
1. Defining Church Hurt
a. The number one thing I want us to learn today is that church hurt is real.
b. Paul experienced it.
i. 2 Timothy 4:16
ii. 2 Corinthians 11:24-29
c. Church hurt is the result of an or inaction by a fellow Christian who or unintentionally another Christian.
2. The number two thing I want us to learn is that church hurt is not something we should dismiss or .
a. When studying for this lesson I read a lot of quippy quotes like:
i. If being hurt by church causes you to lose faith in God, then your faith was in people not in God.
ii. Even people who betray you are part of the plan.
b. While these statements may have elements of truth to them, they are not helpful to those who have experienced church hurt.
3. Number three, I want you to understand that there are times when I confuse being with being .
a. When a fellow Christian brings sin to our attention, we should pay attention.
i. …admonish one another…
ii. 2 Corinthians 7:9-11
iii. 2 Timothy 2:24-26
b. But even when we are right, there are times we can be wrong in how we approach someone.
4. As we continue our study, I want us to explore how we can prevent hurting one another in the church and how we respond when we experience it.
B. Church Hurt
1.
a. Humility is the greatest we have for preventing church hurt.
b. Last week, we looked quickly at having the mind of Christ (Php 2:5).
c. Jesus demonstrated how beneficial humility is when addressing sin from both sides.
d. When we approach others about difficult things, let’s make sure to bring a large measure of grace with us. What does humility look like?
i. The Golden Rule- How would I want this to be handled? (Matthew 7:12).
ii. Measurement and Measure- (Matthew 7:2)
iii. Seeking peace- Above all, try to be a peacemaker, not just a peacekeeper. (Romans 12:18)
2. Must Cover All
a. Agendas, territories, etc., usually get in the way of being genuine with how we approach correction and opinions.
b. Remember that we must “speak the truth in love.” (Ephesians 4:15)
c. 1 Peter 4:8
C. to Church Hurt
1. Legal Misconduct
a. Some forms of hurt are matters of law (e.g., physical abuse or sexual abuse). They should be dealt with according to the laws of the land, not covered up or swept under the rug.
b. In the state of TN, everyone is a mandated reporter of abuse, not just ministers and teachers.
2. Responding to Personal Hurt
3. Seek God’s
a. When we have been hurt, we need to seek counsel from God first.
b. A lot of church hurt is personal. What offends me might just roll off your back, but that doesn’t mean you should dismiss it.
c. When someone has hurt you, share it with them. Give them the chance to make things right. They may have no clue that what they said or did belittled you, hurt you, or created bitterness within you.
d. Jesus reminds us to start reconciliation in a tough place…facing the one who hurt us.
i. Matthew 18:15-17
ii. We often use this passage to help guide us through the process of church discipline, but the first part is all about making sure we start right.
4. Don’t avoid ; seek to work through it to restore and reconcile
a. The number one method we use to deal with hurt feelings and conflict is avoidance, when Jesus tells us to address it.
b. Matthew 5:23-24
c. Don’t post on social media as the first place to air your grievances. Bring them before God first and foremost and ask Him for strength and courage to face your hurt and the one who hurt you.
5. Believe the , Give Grace to the Worst
a. In 1 Corinthians 13, Paul is inspired to write a description of love. Towards the end, he offers four positives that we need to keep in mind: “…love bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things.” (1 Corinthians 13:7)
b. The idea is that love believes in the best intentions of others.
c. Duane Warden states, “Love is anxious to give the benefit of the doubt.”
d. The enduring all things follows closely because there will be times I will say something unkind or insensitive, not meaning to; I meant well, I just didn’t do it well.
6. Have Expectations
a. A part of preventing church hurt is to have reasonable expectations.
i. Don’t place on people what only God can do.
ii. None of us is perfect. We will all mess up.
iii. Don’t attribute what one imperfect person does to you to a whole group of people.
b. In his book Hope After Church Hurt, Joe Dobbins tells the narrative of his grandmother, who lost her husband, her home, and her parents all in an 18-month window of time. But when you meet her, she talks about how good God is to her…how? She says, “Honey, me and Jesus just took it a day at a time.”
7. Paul knew that holding on to pain is a liability…it causes us to abandon God’s plan and begin walking in the enemy’s plan. (Ephesians 4:26-27)
D. from the Hurt
1. Trust
a. Believe what God knows about you, not what others think of you or how they have treated you.
b. Dobbins makes the statement, “Decide that God’s voice will carry the most weight in your life.”
2. Stay
a. One of the best quotes I heard/read during my study was, “The best healing for church hurt is the church.”
b. Psalm 92:13
c. Get your growth from the seed, not the sower.
d. Too often, we put too much emphasis on the person doing the sowing, not the condition of the soil, when it comes to spiritual growth.
i. Don’t expect your leaders to be perfect; expect them to be humble and admit when they’re wrong.
ii. Don’t expect people to be perfect; expect that you will need to help others grow and that you will need others to help you grow.
III. Conclusion
A. Love Lost
1. I think part of the reason church hurt hurts so badly is because we know this should be the one place where the love of God should be manifest most.
2. When you are hurt, remember that the source of the love of the church comes from God Himself, not only His people.
3. Don’t give up on God on account of His people. Give your hurt to God and make it a ministry to help others.
B. Invitation
1. Notice how Paul responds in 2 Timothy 4:17-18. He truly believed God would take care of him.
2. For Him to stand beside you, He has to be in your life.
Questions for Discussion
1. How does understanding the human element of the church help us respond differently when we experience hurt from fellow Christians?
2. How can we better discern the difference between being convicted by truth and simply feeling offended?
3. When personal hurt occurs, why is it important to seek reconciliation directly rather than airing grievances publicly or avoiding the issue?
4. How can we balance the call to confront hurt with the call to cover offenses with love? Where’s the line?
5. What role does setting reasonable expectations of others play in preventing feelings of betrayal or bitterness in the church?
6. What does it mean to “believe the best and give grace to the worst,” and how can we live that out when we are hurt?
7. How can we encourage others to stay connected to the church even after they’ve been hurt?
8. In what ways can sharing our experiences of church hurt — carefully and wisely — actually help others grow in faith?