I. Introduction
A. Facebook Feedback
1. I opened up the floodgates again! LOL! I reached out to the Facebook community for some assistance on this one.
2. Number 1 thing…we don’t talk about this like we should.
3. While there are some limitations, that doesn’t excuse talking about it sometimes.
4. This is a diverse group that deals with a diverse range of issues depending on the reason for their singleness.
B. Different Subcategories
1. Depending on the reason a person is single, there will be different challenges.
a. Widows/Widowers- challenge of living without connection once had
b. Never married- constant matchmaking, “Why aren’t you married?”
c. Divorced- undeserved shame, almost like an automatic “You don’t belong anymore” stigma which should not be true
2. In an ever-increasing trend, people are increasingly CHOOSING singleness more and more for specific reasons (career, finding themselves, spiritual journeys, etc.).
C. Couple-Centric Society & Scripture
1. Especially within the church we have a couples-centric culture. The expectation is everyone will get married (multiply this by 1,000% if you attend a Christian college)
2. But in 1 Corinthians 7:7-9 Paul makes an interesting statement about singleness.
a. Singleness is not a lack of fulfillment or completeness but rather a unique opportunity to pursue a deeper relationship with God and serve Him more fully
b. Listen to what Jesus says in Matthew 19:12, “…there are eunuchs who have made themselves eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven.”
c. Jesus speaks of singleness in a positive light.
d. While it is good and right that we emphasize marriage, raising a family, etc., we cannot forget that some of number will choose, or find themselves, not in that category.
e. They are no less a part of the body of Christ and family of God.
II. Blessings and Challenges for Single Christians
A. Blessings
1. Freedom & Flexibility- You don’t have to “check in” with someone before making a decision or going somewhere.
2. Serving the Lord- Because of freedom and flexibility, you are more able to do things in service to the Lord (mission trips, etc.).
3. Self-Awareness- Some single people believe this is the season of life to become completely self-aware, to know yourself, and, thus, to become more confident in how you approach life. Those who had been single but are now married pointed to this being very helpful in their marriages.
B. Challenges
1. Loneliness
a. Almost everyone mentioned some form of loneliness they struggled with somewhere along the way.
b. Not having someone to bounce things off of and not always being readily available to you was a big challenge (which comes built in with a spouse).
c. When singles do decide to reach out to a person as a sounding board, they sometimes struggle with feeling guilty because they perceive reaching out to others as infringing on their married friends’/advisors’ time.
d. This loneliness can feed the fear of the future when they consider, “Who will take care of me when I grow old or if I become sick?”
2. Life strains
a. For singles, there is no second income to assist with bills, help with chores, etc.
b. Social norms are a challenge at times. Some don’t perceive that they are invited out as often by families who might invite couples on a regular basis to their homes or out to eat.
3. Devalued
a. In one article, a single woman around 40 years old talked about always being the one relegated to sleeping on the air mattress in the den because all the siblings with children need rooms for their children.
b. There were even some who told me that the lack of topics in sermons, Bible classes, etc., could at times make them feel unseen.
III. Key Lessons For Singles
A. and Loved By God
1. You are not a – Christian! You are loved equally by God!
a. Isaiah 56:4-7
b. This passage reminds us that God understands what it means to be dismissed and disregarded, but it doesn’t mean He views you this way. It’s not your pedigree, your bank account, or your marital status that makes you valuable to Him; it’s your soul.
2. God’s family is primarily a spiritual family, so let’s treat it like one.
3. And if you are not weird if the idea of a husband/wife is not what you desire.
B.
1. Ask God to help you search for in this season of life. Don’t waste your years of singleness pining away for marriage; use it as an opportunity to grow individually and help the Kingdom!
2. Ask God to help you starve your discontent and help you find and feed contentment in Him.
3. The Garden
a. One author I read from, Jordan Pugh, offered a helpful illustration in his book, Alone in Christ.
b. He mentions that initially, even when man was alone (before Eve), he was not really alone. God communicated with Adam. It appears even that He walked with man (Gen 3:8-10).
c. Even when there is no spouse in your life, you are never alone when you put yourself in God’s garden and seek to connect yourself to Him. Seek to walk with God and ask Him to walk with you.
4. Your is not found in your spouse, kids, career…it’s found in Christ!
a. Your spiritual fulfillment is not found in a spouse, your career, or your kids; it is found in Christ. (In a marriage, two people doing this can greatly help each other, but it is not a requirement.)
b. If you long for a spouse, that’s a good desire to have, but don’t focus on it so much that you are willing to make concessions to your spiritual life. Don’t settle!
5. Notice what Paul says in 1 Corinthians 7:32-35. He speaks of “…undivided devotion to the Lord.” (v 35)
a. If you find a Christian spouse who will help you in your spiritual journey, wonderful!
b. If you don’t find a Christian spouse, that’s okay, too. You are not alone because you walk with God.
IV. Key Lessons for Church Family
A. Don’t
1. While studying for this lesson, I watched Zack Martin’s lesson on The Church’s Responsibility to Singles. He presented the results of a study at Liberty University of Ten Ways the Church Marginalizes Singles
a. People believe singles have ulterior motives (predators, using the church as a dating app, etc.)
b. They don’t feel included in sermons and Bible classes (i.e., When was the last time you heard a sermon on singleness?)
c. People in the church don’t talk to them as adults (Marriage is often considered a “rite of passage to adulthood.”)
d. At times, we convey the message that singleness is a sin (e.g., Singleness “forces” someone to engage in sexual immorality.)
e. People give the impression that they believe they are doing something wrong, or something is wrong with them (e.g., “Why can’t you find someone?”)
f. We assume they are involved in sexual sin (pornography, fornication, etc.).
g. When we talk so much about marriage and families, it can convey the message that sanctification only comes through marriage.
h. We don’t allow them to lead.
i. We group them in the wrong age group, or just don’t know where to “classify” them.
j. We don’t serve them, but expect them to serve perhaps more than others.
2. 1 Corinthians 12:27 Now you are the body of Christ and individually members of it.
3. Let’s treat singles like the valuable parts of the body of Christ that they are.
B.
1. Include singles in your family life, but not just because you want to fix them up with someone.
a. Consider adopting a single person for holidays, Sundays, and every day.
b. Especially around the holidays this can important for them when they cannot be (or no longer have) their physical family.
c. Romans 15:17 Therefore welcome one another as Christ has welcomed you, for the glory of God.
2. Everyone needs to be able to find a place in the family of God.
C.
1. Don’t “use” your single friends
a. Just because they have some freedom and flexibility doesn’t mean they should feel like we can just dump things on them.
b. 1 Corinthians 12:25, Paul tells them that a way to make sure they are not creating divisions in the church is to …have the same care for one another…
2. Singles need to be ministered to just as much as they use their freedom and flexibility to minister to others.
D.
1. Don’t ask questions like, “Why can’t you find somebody?” or “Why aren’t you married?”
2. Ask questions about their job, how they are doing spiritually, what can I do for you, etc.
3. Invest in getting to know them to figure out how to them.
a. Romans 12:10,16 Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor…Live in harmony with one another. Do not be haughty, but associate with the lowly. Never be wise in your own sight.
b. The phrase “outdo one another” is the idea of going first; take the first step.
4. Don’t make singles do all the work of finding their place here- become that place for them.
III. Conclusion
A. Blessings & Challenges
1. Being a single Christian isn’t a curse, but it does come with some unique challenges.
2. For singles, keep God in your garden, whether you are enjoying this season or not.
3. For the church family, let’s make sure to encourage our singles, like we encourage our families, youth, etc.
B. Invitation
1. There is one moment when all of us will be single and that is when we stand before the Lord to give an account for our lives; no family member will be there with you.
2. But if you have continued to make sure God is in your garden, Jesus will be there with you.